How To Destroy a Great Sports City: The Pittsburgh Edition
It’s unfortunate that Pittsburgh fans are such complete morons, because they really have a great thing going with sports. They have the Super Bowl champion, the number one college basketball team in the nation, and a decent hockey team.
And you would think that with so much athletic excellence, they would be above fan disdain from other metros. Nope. The blue collar giants have to take the time to squash out the rumblings of a few Capital City malcontents.
See Pittsburgh, you’re going about this the entirely wrong way. D.C. hates you because you’re successful. Baltimore hates you because you are successful. To your credit, you’ve managed to unite two cities that have nothing in common but traffic-plagued beltways, cocaine and STDs. But, instead of riding with your success and maintaining gracefully, you decide that a trip to the gutter is worth the trouble for your beloved franchises.
And that’s why everybody here hates you.
You don’t need to come down. We need to come up. Not in fan loyalty, heart and cleverness on blog posts, because we’ve got all of that covered. What we don’t have are the teams to back up our underdog swag. You do. Our job is to hate you. Your job, Pittsburgh fans, is to ignore us.
And you’re epic failures at the one job most required of you, keeping your mouth shut and enjoying your success.
You suck at photoshop. You suck at clever blogs and newspaper columns aimed at your opponents. And it’s not because you don’t have the talent, its because in recent history, you haven’t needed to do so.
The Joker said it best. Don’t pretend to be one of us, because you’re not. Even if you’d like to be. You’d like for the world to see you as hardworking fans who back their team, love their wives, and beat respect into their children, just like the rest of Slumdog Sports Nation. But when you retaliate, you become something to abhor. Something to hate.
Something like Boston sports fans.
We are experts at finding the joy in underachievement. Usually, that joy is derived in antagonizing arch rivals. The last thing you want is for people to believe you need more than successful sports teams, because that’s all anyone is aiming for anyway. You have the largest fan base in the entire NFL, and the best action-packed episodes of COPS. Enjoy what works for you, while we do the same.
When Alex Ovechkin smacks your precious Sidney Crosby like he didn’t pull his shirt up fast enough at Mardi Gras, don’t be upset. Chuckle and mention your last Stanley Cup appearance. You don’t need to bash Chris Cooley. Just talk about how you took over his home field.
Don’t be like the common man when your teams strive to make you the heirs of total sports domination. Because you don’t come off common. You come off like a bunch of raving idiots who have never been there before.
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That;s it?
That’s all you got?
Sucking at photoshops??
Photoshops? Seriously.
Photoshops.
What a photo.
as a die-hard steeler, pirate, penguin, and panther fan, i couldn’t agree more.
the one thing that always seperated pittsburgh fans from other sucessful sport franchise’s fans, has been the ability to let critisms and shout-downs roll off our backs like water on a duck. unlike boston fans, we have always had the confidence to NOT have to defend our teams sucesses.
course as a pirate fan, i haven’t had much sucess to defend lately.
.
On further review, that photoshop is awesome.
WOOOOOOOOO Charlie.
charlie = stunned
harf harf pittsburgh iz a geigh lol
Boston sucks. Nothing says “dynasty” like having the plays written down for ya.
Hey, not all of us Pgh sports fans get riled up. I live in Baltimore and I found the best way to be is humble because I think that pisses them off more. Haha, stupid Ravens.
Sounds like you can dish it out, but you can’t take it…
[...] and FSU fan duke it out at Mardi Gras (Video) Andre Smith could lose $24 million for being stupid How to destroy a great sports city – Pittsburgh edition var addthis_pub = ’sm97os’; var addthis_language = ‘en’;var addthis_options = ‘email, favorites, [...]
I don’t see how. I get trashed regularly on my blog.
Ravens fans, collectively, have much more smarts than Skins fans. And by smarts, we don’t allow Pittsburgh fans to sell out our own stadium.
I Can Has Raven Jirzee?
Finally, a sensible voice among the throng of over-sensitive Pittsburgh sports fans.
Is that you, Allen? I told you, Georgetown hasn’t been good enough for that many posts.
Super sweet Dark Knight quote
Sport’s Fan born and raised in Pittsburgh now living in the D.C Metro here. I don’t agree with everything you wrote, but I must say that there is some truth to it and was quite funny, especially the Ovechkin / Stanley Cup comment.
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