Five Quotes You Are Likely To Hear From ESPN Analyst Bob Knight
February 29, 2008
If you haven’t heard, Bob Knight has been hired by ESPN to be a college basketball analyst beginning March 12. You might have heard whispers that Knight has a volatile personality, but don’t let that turn you off; the man knows his basketball.
In eager anticipation for his debut as analyst for the World Wide Leader, here’s five quotes you might hear from Coach Knight.
On Indiana’s coaching woes: What the f*ck would you ask me that for? Am I the coach of Indiana basketball? Hell, am I the coach of any f*cking basketball team? No. I’m sitting here beside you, pretending to know just like the rest of the idiots on T.V. land. Is that okay? Do you mind me being an idiot?
On his predictions for the NCAA tournament: You know, the last time I tried to predict something, my wife didn’t go downstairs and get me water after we were finished. See the problem with you guys is that you all are always trying to see the future. Basketball isn’t a game for godd*mn psychics.
On his pick for Player of the Year: One man doesn’t make your program. You need five guys all focused on the same goal. But if you’re asking me who’s the one I would throw out of practice first for not hustling, it would be Michael Beasley, because if that sonofabitch is not busting his ass, then no one on the team is.
On Mid Majors: What the hell do people mean by mid-major? Is that an oxymoron? Mid-major? How the hell can you be middle and major at the same time? That’s like me calling you a baptist Jew. They are small schools, with just as much of a freakin’ chance as anybody else.
On Digger Phelps: You know I really like how you match your tie and your highlighter every night. What, do you have some type of fashionista back there? Can I have a fashionista? Sh*t, they actually asked me to wear sweaters when I first took this gig.
Seriously, Are the Los Angeles Lakers For Real?
February 29, 2008
They beat up on the hapless Miami Heat last night to no one’s surprise. They’ve won 10 in a row, and if it wasn’t for LeBron James, Kobe Bryant would be the runaway favorite for league MVP. We’ve gotten so used to the Lakers being fairly middlin’ the last several seasons, that it almost seems to beg the question:
Can the Lakers really win the NBA championship?
Is Pau Gasol really that much of a beast? Sure, we knew he was really good, but he’s made all the difference in the world. And all BEFORE the return of Andrew Bynum. With the maturity of Jordan Farmar and Lamar Odom finally finding a comfortable role in the lineup, these Lakers have the essence of Showtime about them, and Kobe comes off less and less like a heel every time he’s on the court.
It wouldn’t be a bad thing for Los Angeles to recapture championship glory. Heaven knows New York is nowhere close.
6′3″ Or Taller? Great Britain Wants YOU!
February 28, 2008
About 34 rowers, 11 handball players and seven volleyball players will be representing the United Kingdom in the 2012 Olympics just for being tall. That’s right. No years of dedication, steroid abuse or sleeping on your mom’s couch until the age of 32 necessary, just the ability to see over crowds at a Will Leitch book signing.
“There are so many people out there who don’t know how good they could be at sports they’ve probably not even thought about,” U.K. Sport talent identification manager Chelsea Warr said Thursday. “This was a mild shake of the tree. We looked under a few rocks and look what we found.”
You know this tryout is legit when they’ve already endured a cheating scandal. Six people lied about their height on the application form, but were tested anyway and are now on the Olympic rowing team.
Somewhere, our guy Gheorghe weeps softly for this abuse of the vertically endowed.
Is Jin Soo Kim the Korean Kevin Durant?
February 28, 2008
Maybe not. But these highlights don’t do harm to the Maryland signee.
Nothing against Matt Bracken, but I begrudgingly credit the Baltimore Sun for the vid. Can you imagine this kid in with General Greivis? Might be some of the most un-quality shots you’ll see in life, but the international flava wil be muy caliente!
Vince Carter is the Greatest Raptor of Them All
February 28, 2008
Have you seen USA Today’s High Fives series? If you haven’t, you should get up on it, because they are doing things like naming Vince Carter the greatest player in the history of the Toronto Raptors franchise.
Well, they aren’t doing it, but the wacky fans are. I can understand the sentiment given that Carter ushered the franchise into relevancy with his dunk-contest legend status, his playoffs performances, and countless ad campaigns.
But much like the Raptor, Carter’s status as an NBA star became extinct the moment he wanted out of Toronto. Everyone has a right to hate on management and coaching; you wouldn’t be much a professional if you didn’t. But boycotting dunking and feigning injury are just not palatable characteristics when selecting the greatest players in the history of the franchise. Especially when competing against the likes of Marcus Camby, Antonio Davis, and Alvin Williams.
Okay, so Chris Bosh was on there, too. But Carter over Doug Christie is just a travesty of international proportions.
Idiot Pleads Guilty in NFL Stadium Bombing Hoax
February 28, 2008
So apparently some clown had the bright idea to post terroristic threats on a website about blowing up several NFL stadiums around the country. The fool pleaded guilty today, and the PATRIOT Act as going to light his ass up something fierce. Al Qaeda couldn’t be more embarrassed.
Jake J. Brahm of Wisconsin wanted to be the 2008 version of the Unabomber. What’s worse in a situation like this; that an American could think it’s funny to make crank threats while Americans are dying over the BS everyday, or that we actually have to take stuff like this seriously?
Back in the day, a well-timed bomb threat at the school made for a perfect Tuesday afternoon chilling at home. Now, it’s a enough to evacuate a small township. Fire alarms? Everybody hit the basketball court for an early recess. Now it calls for you to be trained in basic HAZMAT response strategies.
The moral of the story is, threats are funny or cool anymore. We have to look at each and every one of them with the keenest of eyes and the most attentive of ears. Want a good joke? Call the Washington Redskins and ask how much tickets are for a family of four.
Oh God, Not Caron Butler Too!
February 28, 2008
Caron Butler, an NBA all-star and catalyst for the Washington Wizards since Agent Zero went out with a knee injury, has a labral tear of his left hip joint, making his return to the team uncertain.
If Wizards GM Ernie Grunfeld ever decides to fire Eddie Jordan, he should consider replacing him with an official from the National Zoo, because this franchise is snake bitten beyond belief. For the last two seasons, the club has been derailed by serious injuries to its best players. And with free agency looming for the man who came to Washington on the strength of a coin flip, everything is not all good in Diamond City.
Houston Rockets fans are dealing with the constant misfortune of one star, but at least they still can field a competitive team. If Butler goes out for the season, it’s lottery time for the Wiz kids.
New York Knicks Looking For A Little Kiki
February 28, 2008
No, not another willing and able intern for the team’s star guard. Kiki Vandeweghe, the Golden Child of NBA front offices who has put in work for the Denver Nuggets and currently for the New Jersey Nets as a consultant, may be on short list to resurrect the New York Knicks franchise.
Okay, so maybe Vandeweghe and Madison Square Garden President Steve Mills only went to the movies together, but a date is a date. And by all accounts, it was a good first date.
The good thing is, no one can do any worse than Isiah Thomas, who currently serves as team president and head coach. The bad thing is, Jim Dolan is still the owner, and whatever pictures Zeke has on him that have prevented his firing aren’t going away any time soon.
Trouble is gonna last for a little while in the Big Apple, especially with Thomas mumbling something about Starbury possibly being gone. But New Yorkers having a hint of potential order coming to the franchise is a good thing.
Cecil Fielder: Fightin’ Temptation
February 27, 2008
Courtesy of SportsByBrooks, there’s a couple of things you need to know about the new manager of the Atlantic City Surf. One, he’s a great former ballplayer. Two, he is widely known for having a gambling problem. Three, the Surf franchise is based in Atlantic City, NJ.
Once you get past all of that, there really is no big deal about Cecil Fielder being named manager of the minor league Atlantic City Surf. Sure, he has a strained relationship with his son Prince Fielder because of his gambling addictions past, but that doesn’t mean you or I should worry about Fielder and his new ballclub.
“It’s a good peace. Now I am going to be in a city that I had some issues in, and I ain’t scared of it,” Fielder said.
Right on, bro. I mean, who are we to judge the fact that you probably owe Trump Towers about as much as the net worth of the Surf franchise? Everyone has their ills, you seem to have conquered yours. If you were the manager of a team like the White Castle Knights, then we’d be concerned.
But gambling? In A.C.? Nah. We believe in you, homey.
Congress to Justice Department on Roger Clemens: Get Em’
February 27, 2008
It’s pretty much over for Roger Clemens. Rep. Elijah Cummings put Maryland on the political map with his badgering of the Rocket, and despite the efforts of other fawning committee members, Roger Clemens is about to get busted for steroids on the premise of a party.
Well, not just a party at Jose Conseco’s crib, but some other stuff, too. Namely,
• whether McNamee injected Clemens with Lidocaine in 1998;
• whether Clemens received pain injections from trainers on all four of his major league teams;
• whether he regularly received vitamin B-12 injections from team doctors and trainers;
• whether he ever talked with Mr. McNamee about HGH;
• and whether he ever received notice that Mitchell asked to meet with him in connection with his independent investigation of performance-enhancing drugs in baseball.
It looks awfully bad for Roger right about now. His best buddy and his former trainer have all but sealed his fate as a liar and a cheater. And depending on how the Justice Department feels, they might just make him out to be a criminal.
